Quills are Rather Pointy and Hurt when Stepped on
by Figment And Gwen
Summary: Marauders Era. NOT SLASH.    No, Sirius. I will not let your fingers OR ANY OTHER BODY PART contaminate my muggle objects again.
1. Prologue

**Wow, a story! No, this isn't a one-shot. It actually is the prologue to an amazing chapter fic. Read. Love. Review. That is all.**

**Also, this takes place in their second year in case you hadn't realized.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. At all. Besides the plot of this fanfic. Don't sue.**

**Prologue**

"_A werewolf?" a rather handsome young boy who was sprawled lazily across a bed full of dirty and clean clothes had asked._

_He and his two friends were lounging in their dormitory that was most definitely far from clean (excluding a small corner containing a well-made bed and a very neat stack of books.). Clothes were everywhere. Crumpled parchment and candy wrappers were randomly thrown everywhere but the empty garbage can. Random Quidditch magazines were sprawled out at random, one being read by a rather pudgy kid who we'd later find to be Peter Pettigrew._

"_Aye. A werewolf," a messy-haired boy nodded, giving his friends a solemn look._

_His two friends looked at each other, and then back at him erupting into fits of laughter. Their friend? Bookworm, Remus Lupin? A werewolf?!_

"_I'm serious!" he yelled defensively, giving the two peeved looks. It was _that_ funny._

"_No! I'm Sirius!" the handsome boy yelled back before rolling off his bed and onto the floor, narrowly missing a very pointy quill, in a fit of giggles._

"_One, that joke is _so_ old, Sirius. Honestly. And two, I really think Remus is a werewolf!" the boy exclaimed after his friends finally managed to stop laughing._

"_Yeah," Serious said as he stood up and moved to sit on the bed, stepping on the quill he had barely avoided moments before. "OW!"_

"_Well, have you ever noticed how he always disappeared right before a full moon?" James asked, ignoring Sirius's over-dramatic yells at the quill._

"_DAMN YOU, QUILL--"_

"_And then he'd come back all tired and give us some lame excuse on how he was tending to--"_

"_DAMN YOU. HOW DARE YOU SMITE ME--"_

"_-- An ill relative?"_

"_ME. SIRIUS BLACK. SIRIUS. ORION. BLACK. YOU ARE MY QUILL. I USE YOU EVERYDAY FOR MY TRANSFIGURATION. HELL, I'M PRACTICALLY YOUR GOD. YOU SHOULD WORSHIP ME."_

"It's probably--"

"_WELL, YOU BLASPHEMOUS QUILL--"_

"_-- Just a coincidence," Peter said with a small shrug._

"_HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS?!" Sirius yelled before attempting to murder the already lifeless quill by strangling it. With a grunt, he whipped it across the room and grinned when it gave a satisfying SMACK as it hit the wall._

"_Are you listening, Sirius?" James asked._

"_Yeah. You're still babbling about how Remus is a werewolf," Sirius said as he flopped onto his bed again. "Remus can't be a werewolf... He's too..."_

"_Smart?" Peter finished._

"_Yeah!"_

"_I know, but I've been doing research--"_

_James was cut off by two surprised gasps._

"_Oh, shut up. As I was saying, I was researching lycanthropy--"_

"_Lycanwhatnow?" Sirius asked, unused to anyone but professors and Remus using such complex words... Especially James, who he considered to be on the same brain level as himself._

"_Werewolves," James sighed, suddenly knowing how Remus always felt, "They're normal humans, just like us--"_

"That's debatable," Sirius muttered, causing him and Peter to snicker.

"_Then," James continued, ignoring them, "At the full moon, they change into the wolf. They practically become a different person. The wolf forgets who he really is and would kill _anyone_ in his path."_

Peter gulped, looking like a little kid being told a scary story on a camping trip. "Anyone?"

"_Aye," James nodded seriously. "Anyone."_

"_And he's got all the signs of a werewolf too. Notice how moody he gets a couple days before the full moon?"_

"_And how he's all tired out when he gets back from his 'sick relatives'?" Sirius said, realization dawning on him._

"_And all those new scars he comes back with!" Peter exclaimed, looking proud of himself to have made the connection._

"_And to think I always made fun of him because I thought he was just really clumsy," Sirius said, looking really guilty._

"_It's not your fault," James shook his head, "I just can't understand why he wouldn't tell us."_

"_Maybe he thought we wouldn't like him anymore... or something," Peter suggested with a shrug._

_The three knew that was the most likely reason why their friend had never mentioned it before._

_At that exact moment, none other than Remus Lupin decided to walk into his dorm. "What are you guys talking about?" he asked as he removed his robe and neatly folded it before sticking it in a laundry basket. He looked around at his friends who just watched him in silence. "Guys? ... Guys?"_

_The three exchanged looks and nodded before lunging at the sand-blond haired boy._

_Peter grabbed his legs, Sirius had his wrists pinned, and James was straddling. Remus fought, but the three just held on tighter._

"_What in Merlin's name are you--"_

"_SILENCE." Sirius yelled dramatically._

_Much to their surprise, Remus shut his mouth, eying James fearfully._

"_Okay... Remus... The three of us were talking..." James paused. "And well..."_

"_Are you a werewolf?" Sirius finished bluntly, giving Remus a serious look._

_Remus looked alarmed, but quickly passed it off as disbelief. "What?! How could you--"_

_James and Sirius exchanged looked. The latter sighed and nodded._

"_Do it, James. Desperate causes call for desperate measures."_

_Remus looked nervous. "W-what are you two--"_

_James stuck a finger in his mouth, swirled his tongue around it, and pulled it out with an audible 'pop'. Slowly, he inched it towards Remus's ear. "Don't lie."_

_Remus's eyes widened as he tried to get away, trying to kick and flail to no avail. "NO. GET YOUR FINGER AWAY. I'M NOT A WE-- ACK. REMOVE YOUR FINGER FROM MY EAR CANAL RIGHT NOW. GERMS. GERMS, JAMES. GERMS. YOU'RE GOING TO RUPTURE MY EAR DRUM. THIS. IS. NOT. SANITARY."_

"Then tell the truth!" James yelled as he started to wiggle his finger around in his ear.

"_ACK. AH, OKAY. OKAY, I'M A WEREWOLF. HAPPY?! NOW REMOVE YOUR FINGER FROM MY EAR AND GET. OFF. OF. ME."_

_James did as instructed before giving Sirius and Peter a satisfied look. He turned to look at Remus who had scrambled up at the first opportunity given. He know looked like all his dignity had been sucked out of him. "Why didn't you tell us?!"_

"_It's not like it's something that comes up in an everyday conversation!" he yelled, starting to get upset. His friends knew. They knew his secret, and now they would never talk to him again._

"_Well, if it did, would you have told us?" Peter asked curiously._

"_What?"_

"_If it did come up in our conversation, would you have told us?" he asked again._

"_That's absurd. Of course--"_

"_Remus." Sirius gave him a look._

_He shifted uncomfortably before shaking his head. "Probably not... It's nothing I'm proud of... I understand if you don't want to be friends--"_

_Sirius cut him off with a tackle._

"_REMMY. Stop being so pathetic! Of course we still want to be friends!"_

"_Yeah" James jumped on top of the two. "Merlin, what do you take us for? Slytherins?"_

_  
Suddenly feeling rather excluded, Peter jumped on the three. Remus grinned at his friends. They didn't hate him. They knew about him being a werewolf and they didn't care. It definitely felt good to finally come clean._

"_Could you get off me now? There's a quill digging into my spine."_

**So, this is the prologue to our amazing story! Expect a new chapter within a week or so. Also, if you could point out any grammatical errors that we missed to we could fix them, that'd be great!**

**-Figment and Gwen**


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned in this chapter. **

**Chapter One**

"Urgh..."

Sirius rolled over in his attempt to sleep and groaned when he failed yet again. He had been tossing and turning all night and couldn't manage to stay asleep longer than fifteen minutes. Sirius hated nights... Er... mornings like this. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and consulted the watch on his bed stand: it was 3:39 A.M.. Almost three and a half hours of utter nothingness was ahead of him. What was he going to do to amuse himself?

He cast a quick glance around, hoping something to entertain him would just jump out. Hey, they were in the wizarding world! It could happen. What to do... What to do... Certainly not his homework (it was do next week and what wanker, other than a Ravenclaw... Or perhaps Remus, would want to do it any other time then the night before it was due?) He didn't have that talking muggle picture frame to watch anymore either. What did Remus call it? A television?

His eyes soon rested upon the occupant of the bed next to him. Reemy. A wicked grin lit up his features as he silently crept over to it.

"Remus?" he whispered quietly, frowning when there was no answer.

"Reeemus?" he whispered again, this time lightly nudging his friend. Sirius pouted slightly when there was still no answer. One thing he was definitely not used to was being ignored. It just... It wasn't done. Not to _him_ anyway. Who'd want to ignore such an amazing object of perfection?

"OHHHHHH, REEEEE-EEEEMUS!" Sirius sang in high soprano directly into the ear of his victim, knowing that'd surely do the trick.

Sirius's prediction was proven correct. Of course it was because, as you all know, Sirius was a genius.

Irritated that he had been awoken, Remus tiredly swatted at him as if he were an annoying fly. It was way too early for this. He could barely tolerate during the day, let alone when he's half-asleep. "Remus is sleeping," he mumbled in a slightly singsong voice, rolling over and pulling his blanket even tighter around him.

"Wake-ey wake-ey, my little cocoa puff, the world is waiting, " Sirius cooed, petting the werewolf's hair roughly.

"Well, the world can wait another couple of hours," Remus snapped, smacking his hand away before using the pillow to cover his head. He buried his head into the mattress, silently praying for Sirius to find some other distraction for the next couple of hours.

Sirius pried away the pillow plastered over Remus's head before smacking him with it. Remus mentally cursed the gods who most definitely seemed to be out to get him.

"I'm bored and demand that you stop your life to entertain mine."

Remus groaned, suddenly feeling the urge to remove Sirius's head and then give it back to him on a plate. "Can't you read a couple books on animagi or something productive?" he asked hopefully.

"I've read every single book on animagi ever written at least twice. Frankly, Remus, I'm finding the subject to be quite boring. I mean, if we haven't gotten it by now, do you honestly expect us to ever get it?" Sirius asked. Ever since second year when they found out about Remus's "furry little problem", Sirius, Peter, and James have been trying to find a way to help. At the end of second year, James came up with the solution of the three becoming animagi. It was fifth year and they still have yet to accomplish said goal.

"Persistence is key, Sirius."

"Well, why don't you get up? I find you to be way more interesting then a bunch of smelly old books," Sirius said with a snort. "Which isn't saying much."

"And if I say no?" Remus asked, using his arms as make-shift pillows.

Sirius let a string of spit drip from his mouth."Do you really want to know?"

Remus quickly scrambled up, thoroughly disgusted by the boy's dirty tactics. "Okay, I'm up," he said with a nod.

"Good, good. Now entertain me," said Sirius, back to his usual annoying manner. When no response came, Sirius let out a sigh and, without even asking for permission from Remus, began to dig through the old trunk at the foot of his bed. "Merlin, Reemy. This is much too organized," he complained as he continued to dig around. After awhile, a dramatic gasp escaped from Sirius's lips.

"You don't have any of those muggle things left?!" he asked as if his friend had just committed treason.

"I'm going to pretend I understand what you're referring to and just say no," Remus said, yawning tiredly. He sat up and stretched his arms, letting out another very audible yawn. Early mornings were not his forte'. Especially if these early mornings happened to occur only a couple of days after a full moon.

"Too bad, due to the fact that I was referring to nothing inparticularly." He looked stunned after realizing what he had just said. "That was a big word, and sentence. Remus, aren't you proud? A complex word and a complex sentence all at once!"

"Yeah. Too bad 'inparticularly' isn't a word," Remus snorted as he pulled himself from his bed. Figuring he wouldn't be allowed to go back to sleep due to Sirius's stubbornness, he began searching for a change of clothes from his dresser (of course, making sure everything in the drawers stayed organized).

"It is if I say it is! I am, after all, practically a god. And don't snort, Remus. It's not flattering," Sirius stuck his tongue out childishly before flopping onto his friend's bed. "Why don't you go and get your muggle stuff now? It's rather fun to poke."

"Sirius. I will not let your fingers (OR ANY OTHER BODY PART) contaminate my muggle objects again," Remus said, remembering the time Sirius came into their dormitory after consuming way too much firewhiskey.

"HEY. THAT WAS ONE TIME," Sirius protested, glaring. "Damn it Reemy. Being around you is starting to take its toll on me. In return for maiming of my soul, I demand to see the fun muggle artifacts!"

Remus shook his head, crossing his arms defiantly. "No, Sirius. Mine," he said as if scolding a puppy.

Sirius pouted in a way he thought was irresistibly adorable and began to stomp his feet in a very adult-like manner. "But... This is madness! James! Wake up so I can tell you how unfair Remus is being!"

"Shut up," the aforementioned boy yelled, shooting a glare at Sirius before rolling over and falling back asleep. Obviously, mornings weren't his 'scene' either.

"Fine then," Sirius gave James' back a hurt look. "I can see when I'm not wanted."

"When did you develop this talent because I'm positive you didn't have it yesterday when that girl was desperately trying to rid you from her presence," Remus stated, patiently waiting for Sirius to turn around. Remus's modesty was one thing that was often made fun of by the fellow Marauders. He never changed his clothes in front of the Marauders and he wasn't going to start any time soon.

Sirius knew the drill and turned around without even being asked. "I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about," he said haughtily.

"What else is new?" James muttered bitterly as he sat up, completely awake due to Sirius's excessive loud talking. "You see? You see, Sirius? Now, I can't get back to sleep. Damn you! Damn you and your insomnia!"

A small yelp was heard from the only tidy corner of the room.

"TURN AROUND. TURN AROUND, JAMES. I'M NOT DONE CHANGING."

"Oh, Relax, Reem. You have trousers on," James rolled his eyes, but did as he was told anyway. Remus would've thrown a huge fit otherwise.

"What's all the yelling about?" Peter asked as he sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"THE FACT THAT I'M NOT DECENT AND EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT ME. TURN AWAY, PETER."

"Sorry!" he squeaked before quickly turning around.

"Well, besides that we were yelling about HOW I AM TO BE ENTERTAINED FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!" bellowed Sirius, turning around to glare at Remus. Unfortunately he was then confronted with the sight of Remus buttoning his shirt.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, TURN AROUND! I'M NOT DECENT!"

"Wanker! You're dressed, now stop being so paranoid," James rolled his eyes at his friend's insecurities. Honestly, they've known each other since first year. It was fifth and Remus still couldn't stand changing in front of his friends. Sirius on the other hand... He didn't mind at all if he had an audience while he stripped off his clothes (yes, _stripped_).

"I'm hungry. Bring me food," demanded the boy with a god-complex to no one in particular.

"The great hall isn't open yet doofus," James scoffed, still peeved about being woken up. "Thus, there is no food."

"The kitchen is open. I want food," Sirius said, shooting a glare at James. "And what Sirius wants. Sirius gets."

"Fine. Fine, we'll go get food," James sighed, knowing that, as much as it irritated him, Sirius's comment was right.

The four left the dormitory, passed through the common room that contained one sleeping second year which Sirius just HAD to stop for so he could write on the young lad's forehead. After signing his name on his cheek, the four hurried off into the deserted corridor. 

"Bugger, Sirius. If we're caught, it's my reputation on the line," Remus complained. He was quite proud of that that out of the four Marauders, he has had the least detentions... Though, it wasn't saying much.

"Keep your shirt on, Reemy. We're not going to get-oh! Er... Good morning Mrs. Norris.." Sirius trailed off after spying the caretaker's evil demon cat that lived to ruin the Marauders' fun.

The cat hissed threateningly at the four students, the hair on her back standing up.

"Oh, Merlin! My life is over. I knew this was going to happen! Why do I always let you talk me into these sort of things?! Merlin, I'm going to--"

"We could always catnap her..." Peter suggested, eying the cat nervously. He was never too fond on the creatures.

"Be in so much trouble--"

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. "That's stupid, Peter. How could you come up with such an idiotic plan?"

"There goes all hopes of me--"

Peter frowned, looking very hurt. "I... It was just a thought." 

"Becoming Head Boy!"

"And a stupid one at that... I know!" Sirius grinned triumphantly, raising a finger up in a very book-wormish way. "We could catnap her!"

"But that was my'--

"That's genius!" James yelled, patting Sirius on the back.

Peter forced a smile. "Yeah, brilliant idea!"

Remus shook his head. "No. I usually let you talk me into most of your stupid plots, but capturing an innocent cat? This is where I put my foot down."

"Reeee-muuus!"

"No. I won't do it. There's nothing you could possibly say that could make me change my mind."

---

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Remus muttered as he found himself pacing in front of a wall, the other three Marauders watching.

They all stood back as a huge door appeared where the blank wall had been.

"Room of Requirement. Oh, how I love thee," Sirius said with a loving sigh, ignoring the many meows and hisses coming from his robe (which was being used as a make-shift knapsack to hold their prisoner, Mrs. Norris, captive).

The room was rather small, about the size of a dormitory. The walls were tacky, complex patterns of blue and green and seemed to be barking at them. On the floor, was not carpeting, but a strange plant. And above were dozens of birds flying just barely out of Mrs. Norris' reach. She struggled free of Sirius's grasp (gaining him a severely scratched arm in the process) but started acting very strangely. The cat ran in a circle, avoiding the walls and hissing at them. Mrs. Norris rolled in the plants on the floor, and finally jumping in the air at the birds.

Sirius suddenly flopped on the floor, a weird look in his eye. He put his face close to the plant on the ground before inhaling deeply. "This... This grass stuff. It smells really good," he said with a grin. Sirius inhaled the plant some more as he rolled in it. "Remus! Come join me! This stuff is amazing!" He giggled, an insane look in his eye, and grabbed handfuls of the plant before throwing it in the air.

"No, Sirius. I will not degrade myself by participating in such idiotic behavior," Remus rolled his eyes. It was not at all shocking that Sirius could find so much entertainment in catnip.

After repeating the sequence a few dozen times (James and Peter laughing maniacally the whole time while Sirius rolled in the cat nip some more) the cat fell over and stopped moving and the barking walls ceased to make a sound. Much to Sirius's dismay, the plant disappeared and was replaced with a normal floor.

"Okay you three," Remus started, glaring. "I think we've had our fun. Now, let's let Mrs. Norris go."

"We can't let her go!" James said, shaking his head furiously. "If we let her go, she's going to run to Filch!" It was true. Filch and Mrs. Norris had this weird way of communicating. Maybe Filch could speak cat or something. Who knows?

"I don't care. We're not keeping her forever and I'm not going to let you torture her anymore," he stated and, without warning, he opened the door. The cat, obviously out of energy, made no effort to move.

Peter (who decided to be on Remus's side, though it was only because he wasn't too fond of cats) stared a the cat before rushing over. "Go, cat! Be free!" he yelled, flailing his arms at the poor thing.

The cat rolled over to stare blankly at him.

With a sigh, Remus picked the cat up before setting her back down outside the room. The two boys stared at him as he did and Peter joined in, as he thought it'd be best not to get Sirius and James angry at him. When they got angry, good things did not happen. The boys seemed to not even notice Peter had even moved.

"You... You just ruined our prank!" Sirius yelled incredulously (he had finally gotten to his feet).

"Yes, I did. Now, if you excuse me, I have to get to class," he said and headed out to the door.

Not even Remus was such an overachiever that he was two hours early to his lessons. Sirius waited for him to be completely out of sight before speaking.

"He ruined our prank. This is war."

**Alright, this is the first chapter, not counting the prologue! If you guys are confused about the prologue, I shall clarify! The prologue was set in second year when the boys finally figured out Remus' "problem". The reason it's in italics is because it was a bit like a flashback. The actual story is set in the fifth year... There was a little mention about it in this chapter. Congrats if you noticed it.**

**It'd be nice if you could point out any typos that we missed. We've read over the story a zillion times. After awhile, you get so fed up with the chapter you just skim it, so we might have missed something.**

**Constructive criticism is nice, by the way.**

**Figment and Gwen**


	3. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any character mentioned in this chapter.**

**Chapter Two**

The next Monday in History of Magic, James, Sirius, and Peter started scheming while Remus was dutifully taking notes in the front of the class as usual. 

"We need to find a way to get back at him. Something really good," said James, absentmindedly scratching a naked Lily into the wood of his desk. His hands quickly darted over the image when his object of affection glanced over at him (of course not looking away without giving him a small scowl first).

"I was thinking something with goats…and peanut butter." 

James and Peter stared incredulously at Sirius. Trust him to come up with such an inane idea.

"Just saying," he muttered, going back to finishing his transfiguration essay (it was their next class).

"By chance can we replace his shampoo with something foul? You know how he is about cleanliness," asked Peter. It was true. Remus was one of those people who could spend hours picking at the carpet in his little corner of their dorm ("Sirius, just because you feel cleaning is not a manly habit to partake in doesn't make it unnecessary.")

"Peter wins, lets do it," Sirius declared smacking his hand on the top of the desk he was at. In his opinion, Remus's girly hygiene issues were rather annoying.

Somewhere in the background, _unbeknownst _to everyone but a very select few students ho had been taking avid notes, Professor Binns continued to drone on about some goblin rebellion.

"..So after Gozwald the Grumpy murdered his brother Grizled the Bearded in 1478…"

"Too bad because I think I have a plan that can blow Peter's plan out of the water," James said, a sly grin lighting up his features. He had bewitched his carving of Lily to do some sort of belly dance. Though James seemed relatively proud of the carving, it seemed to resemble an orangutan more than a girl.

"What?" the other two asked curiously before quickly pretending to take notes when Remus looked up at them.

"What are you three doing?" he whispered to them, not believing the three's show of taking notes. They _never_ took noted in History of Magic. They'd always bug Remus into letting them use his notes when there was a big test coming up.

"Nothing," the trio said in unison, still pretending to be excellent students. Remus gave them a disbelieving look, but decided he'd rather not be a part of what they were scheming.

James waited a few moments to make sure Remus's attention was completely averted back to his notes before telling the two of his plan.

"I say we make him a love potion, and make sure the first thing he sees is Mrs. Norris." 

That evening after class the three went to the room of requirement (conveniently stocked with all manner of potion materials) to prepare the love potion. It was a relatively simple potion, easily able to made before 10 o'clock that evening when they would carry out they're plan. They all made sure they were careful since they usually had Remus there to yell at them for doing something wrong ("SIRIUS. SIRIUS, YOU CAN'T PUT THOSE TOGETHER. WHAT? ARE YOU AN IDIOT. LOOK WHAT YOU DID. IT'S GROWING. IT GROW-AGH. GET IT OFF. I CAN'T BREATHE.") 

"Err, Sirius, you should probably go catch Mrs. Norris, Peter and I will take care of the potion." James said after recalling that incident in Potions. It was the last time Remus had ever agreed to be Sirius's partner. 

"Affirmative captain!" Sirius saluted. He turned and bowed his head at Peter before turning on his heel and prancing (yes. _Prancing.) _out of the room in search of Mrs. Norris.

"Well know that we're rid of him, we can make this potion without the risk of strangely exploding cauldrons," James said with a small sigh of relief. He flipped through a Potion's book before finding the one he was looking for. "Alright, Peter. Could you find me some mistletoe?"

The three had successfully brewed the potion (it even turned the lovely shade of pink it was supposed to!), and Mrs. Norris had once again been caught (not without much swearing on Sirius' part, of course, as cats were most definitely _not_ Sirius's cup of expresso). Peter poured the potion into a small vile and corked it before the three headed back towards the Gryffindor common where they had hoped they'd find Remus dutifully studying.

Their expectations were met. Remus had claimed the love seat to himself. His books where sprawled on the empty side next to him while he read of his History of Magic notes, careful not to overlook any detail. The trio headed over to him, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Hey, Remus, we think we finally figured out how to be animagi!" Peter squealed a little to excitedly with slightly over-dramatic arm motions. Needless to say, his acting skill were definitely a little lower than mediocre. One might say he resembled a very old Shakespearian actor (though others with less culture would just say an over-sized bird).

"Yeah, we're pretty sure we cracked it this time! C'mon, lets get down to the Room of Requirement and we'll show you!" added James. Luckily, his acting was much better than Peters, thanks to several years practice of lying to teachers and occasionally his parents.

Remus looked rather dubious. "You've been trying to become animagi for years and now you think you've solved the problem all in one night?" he asked scoffing in disbelief. 

Sirius put on an affronted look. "Well, yes. I am a genius after all."

"I guess on the bright side, if it doesn't work, at least it will be a laugh," Remus sighed and got up to leave. He recalled a certain time when a friend of his had accidentally sprouted antlers in an attempt to tranform. It took him several hours and tons of research to finally manage to rid himself of them. Remus laughed to himself at the memory.

Behind his back, the three shared equally evil grins. They hurried after Remus, trying to be as nonchalant as they could.

Of course, if you knew the three, you'd know there was nothing nonchalant about them. You'd also know that Remus Lupin knew his friends rather well (especially when they were up to something) and it was certainly not easy for those friends to pull a prank on him.

"How do we get him to drink it again?" Sirius whispered into James' ear so the werewolf couldn't hear. 

He paused before answering, rather unsure of the answer himself. "Dunno, guess we'll just force it on him." 

The four made sure the coast was clear before having James pace the seemingly blank wall three times. A huge door appeared in front of them and the three went in.

The room was the same potion room as before, but now a yowling Mrs. Norris was caged in the corner. 

Remus turned to face the three, looking rather puzzled. "What's she doing h--" 

They jumped him before he could finish his sentence, Peter and Sirius grabbing him and James forcing the potion down his throat. Of course, one doesn't really enjoy it when foreign liquids are forced down their throat so the werewolf's spluttering and gagging was quite understandable. 

"Sirius! Get the cat!" James yelled over Remus's gagging, covering the poor boy's mouth so he was forced to swallow the potion.

Sirius grinned evilly before letting go of his friend to grab the aforementioned cat. Unfortunately, Remus had finished being force fed the potion and Sirius had run straight through his line of sight to get to the hissing animal.

"HA! Gotcha you little whelp!" Sirius yelled in triumph when he finally managed to grab the cat from the cage, earning many scratches in the process. He hurried back over to Remus and grinned. "Hey, Reemy, look at the pretty kitty!" 

"Oh, Sirius…" 

"Yeah, I know, stop holding your girlfriend right?" he asked gleefully. This was definitely one of the greatest pranks the Marauders have played... Aside from the time they had forced Severus Snape to announce his love for Professor Binns in the middle of History of Magic.

"I never thought you even noticed me before," said Remus, giving Sirius a loving look. Of course, Sirius being Sirius, didn't notice the look was directed towards _him_ and just continued to grin like a complete idiot. However, James and Peter happened to notice and were both rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. 

"Of course she noticed you, being all chivalries and all before," Sirius said, holding the cat even closer to Remus.

"But now, I see that we were meant for each other. You must feel it to," he said lovingly as he started to get uncomfortably close to Sirius and the cat he was holding.

"Of course she feels it, can you not see that my arm is severely scratched in her attempts to get to you, her lover?" Sirius was between crying with pain and laughing most evilly, though he still didn't seem to understand.

"Here you go Reemy. One extremely ticked off woman." Sirius shoved the cat into Remus arms, but Remus just let the cat fall to the ground. Mrs. Norris hissed and swiped at Sirius's leg one last time before taking cover under a cupboard.

"Sirius, I-I think I love you..."

Sirius's face drained of color. He looked completely horrified. Clearly the werewolf confessing his undying love for him was not his idea of a good joke. Of course, it was understandable as Sirius was pretty much a god... but the fact that it was his best friend just made it completely horrifying. In the background, Peter and James were still rolling on the floor, their laughter even louder than before.

"No, wait, what? No, this is all wrong. Your s'posed to go for the cat. Not me, you idiot! The cat!" He yelled, his arms extending out in front of him defesively as he avoided Remus's bear hug.

He subsequently bumped into the cupboard Norris was under. She dashed out like a flash of angry fur and jumped onto Sirius' back. She clung on with her claws as he tried desperately to dislodge her. It was obvious cats were most definitely not Sirius's favorite animal... and Sirius was definitely theirs either.

"I HATE THESE BLOODY STUPID ANIMALS!" he yelped as he jumped around, trying to remove the cat from his back. "CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU CAT! HOW DARE YOU MAR MY STATUESQUE BACK! I'M GOING TO CURSE YOU INTO A PILE OF CAT SICK!"

Remus ran up behind him and tore the cat off with much difficulty. Mrs. Norris ran out of a cat door that miraculously appeared in the wall.

"My love, are you all right?" Remus asked, scanning Sirius for any physical damage the cat might have caused.

"Keep away from me," Sirius backed away fearfully, jumping away from the boy's grabby hands "and you to! Get yourselves off the floor and make the antidote already!"

James and Peter hauled themselves off the ground and over to the cupboard for the ingredients needed to make the antidote.

"If you say so, _Miss,_" James sniggered, wiping a tears of mirth from of his eye.

Sirius continued to evade Remus like a poorly trained matador.

"You know I always thought you were the most handsome marauder," the sandy-blond hair boy said adoringly, taking another step towards him.

"Er, that's great Remus, but I should be going soon," he said with a nervous laugh.

He backed farther away and looked to see if the other two were done yet. An exchanged glance with Peter told him they'd be done in about 30 seconds. Sirius continued to back away in fear of losing all his masculinity to this... This... Remus monster.

"Sirius…I…." Remus cut himself off and puckered his lips, looking as if he were about to kiss Sirius.

He had him pinned against a wall. All hoped of escaping were completely gone. His friend was about to snog him and he couldn't do a thing about it.

"SIRIUS! CATCH!" James had thrown a small stoppered vile of antidote at him. Sirius hurried and grabbed it in midair and pulled out the cork.

"DIE EVIL REMUS SCUM!" Sirius yelled in triumph, forcing the mouth of the vile between Remus' puckered lips

Remus reeled backwards as Sirius forced the contents of the vile down his throat. The scene of Remus becoming once again straight almost perfectly resembled Mr. Hyde turning back into Dr. Jekkal.

His face contorted to a grimace and then lost all color. He looked around wildly and then slowly, at Sirius. His face then looked completely horrified and then hurt. Suddenly, Remus spun on his heel and ran toward and out the door without a word.

The trio exchanged guilty looks. He would take it that bad. Sirius let out a sigh before flopping into a chair.

"Frankly, I blame Peter," Sirius said with a sigh.

**So, I definitely realized that if you want to get your creative juices flowing, you should try listening to Pink Floyd. Oh, and green tea! Drink it... Don't listen to it... It's delicious! It works wonders, really. Anyway, reviews are fantastic! Good or bad. Frankly, I don't care as long as they're constructive. Thanks to everyone who's been reading ad sorry for the hiatus.**

**Cheers! **

**-Figment and Gwen**


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